


The Paddock

by maiden_aunt (SCFrankles)



Category: Dear Ladies
Genre: Community: fan_flashworks, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 15:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7940317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SCFrankles/pseuds/maiden_aunt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evadne and Mousey Butler head out into the countryside to search for paddocks. Hilda tags along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Paddock

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Challenge 165: Amnesty 27](http://fan-flashworks.livejournal.com/727799.html) at [Fan Flashworks](http://fan-flashworks.livejournal.com/) on LJ.
> 
> Hinge and Bracket were created by Patrick Fyffe and George Logan. Dear Ladies was written by Fyffe and Logan, and Gyles Brandreth, and produced by the BBC.
> 
> Mousey Butler is a character from The Random Jottings of Hinge and Bracket, which was written by Gerald Frow and produced by the BBC.
> 
> My sister provided the idea for this story, though I do take full responsibility for the ending.
> 
> * * *

“Isn’t it a beautiful day!” said Hilda as she came into the kitchen. “Why don’t we go for a drive somewhere—take a picnic!”

Evadne looked up from packing her kitbag at the kitchen table. “It’s a nice idea, Hilda but…” 

She put a packet of sandwiches into the bag, tightened its cords and tied them off. 

“...Well, I’ve already agreed to spend the day with Mousey Butler.”

Hilda raised an eyebrow. “Have you indeed?”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Hilda.” Evadne put the bag over her shoulder. “He’s asked me to look for paddocks with him—it’s for a survey for a local countryside organisation.”

Hilda put her head on one side. “I suppose it’s more original than ‘do come and look at my etchings’.”

She looked at Evadne thoughtfully.

“Perhaps I should come along and keep an eye on the two of you.”

Evadne frowned. “Really, Hilda!” 

Hilda giggled. “I’m only teasing, dear. But why don’t I come along? Would you mind? Searching for paddocks sounds lovely.”

Evadne furrowed her brow. “You’re… not being sarcastic, are you?”

“Of course not, dear!” said Hilda. She waved a hand. “I could do with some fresh air. And it just sounds like a nice idea.”

Evadne didn’t look completely convinced. “Well, if you’re sure…” She looked down at Hilda’s feet. “We’re walking everywhere though, so you might want to change your footwear for something a bit more sensible.”

Hilda glanced down at her slingbacks with the four inch heel.

“Naturally, dear.”

 

 

“Are you all ready to start then, Doctor?” called Mousey Butler as he came up the drive.

Evadne smiled at him. “I’m just waiting for Dame Hilda, Mr. Butler. She asked if she might accompany us.”

“Oh, splendid!” Mr. Butler beamed. “The more the merrier for the search.”

Evadne turned back to look at the open front door. “Ah, here she is.” 

Hilda appeared, carrying a small hamper and wearing a floral frock. She gave Mr. Butler a gracious smile. “Good morning!”

Evadne rolled her eyes at her. “Don’t you think you’re a little dressed up for this, dear? And why the hamper?”

“Well…” Hilda shrugged a little. “I thought that once we’d found a paddock we could have a picnic.”

Mr. Butler beamed. “What a charming idea, Dame Hilda. A reward for our labours, eh?”

“Exactly, Mr. Butler. What do you think, Evadne?”

“Hmm?” 

Evadne looked up from where she’d been staring at Hilda’s feet. 

“Hilda, what are those?”

Hilda delicately stuck out one elegant patent leather clad foot. “They’re my oldest shoes, dear. And it is only a two inch heel.”

Evadne sighed. “Hilda, look at what Mr. Butler and I are wearing.”

Hilda examined their feet. “Oh, gumboots. Lovely. Very chic.”

“Yes, gumboots!” Evadne waved a hand at Hilda’s footwear. “Dear, you can’t seriously be thinking of going for a tramp through the countryside wearing those.”

Mr. Butler smiled cautiously and patted his own kitbag. “I do actually have a spare pair of wellingtons—packed in case of emergency. I would be perfectly happy to lend them if...”

Hilda held up a hand. “That’s very kind, Mr. Butler. But I’m sure I will be fine.”

Evadne shook her head. “Oh, very well, Hilda.” 

She turned to Mr. Butler. 

“Shall we get on then?”

Mr. Butler brought out a map. “Yes, indeed. If you’d both like to follow me…”

And the little group made their way down the drive.

 

 

Hilda made it three-quarters of an hour before—

“I’m bored!”

Evadne glared at her. “Hilda, please! We have barely started.” 

Mr. Butler had glanced over at them at the sound of their raised voices. Evadne gave him a reassuring wave and returned her attention to Hilda. 

“But I just don’t see why it has to take so long. It’s obvious there aren’t any round here.” Hilda was looking about her. “And why are we searching in this area anyway? It’s surely far too damp for paddocks.”

Evadne frowned. “What on earth are you talking about, Hilda? This is exactly the kind of place you’d find paddocks.”

Hilda made a sweeping gesture with her arm. “Well, I certainly can’t see any!” 

She threw up her arms. 

“Just what _exactly_ are you and Mousey looking for?”

Evadne took off her kitbag and rummaged in it. She brought out a little book, and flipped through the pages. “Ah!” Holding the book open at the relevant page, she handed it over to Hilda. 

“There you are. That’s the one we’re searching for in particular. _Bufo bufo.”_

_“Bufo bufo..?”_

Hilda took the book and stared down at the page. She looked up again.

“It’s a toad.”

Evadne furrowed her brow. “Well, yes, dear. The common toad to be exact.”

Hilda shook her head. “I’m sorry. Why are you looking for a toad? How will this help us find paddocks?”

Evadne regarded her with bemusement. “Hilda, I really don’t understand what you mean—” 

Her face suddenly cleared. 

“Oh!” 

She began to laugh.

“Hilda, toads _are_ paddocks.”

Hilda furrowed her brow. “Are they? I can’t see how you’d keep ponies in them.”

Evadne waved a hand. “No, dear. Same word, different etymology. It’s an old dialect word used in this area. And coincidentally it was the word I used when I was growing up in Scotland.”

“For heaven’s sake—!” Hilda rolled her eyes. “I really don’t see how I could be expected to know _that.”_

Evadne smiled weakly. “Yes, sorry. It just never occurred to me you weren’t familiar with the term, dear.”

“Right then.” Hilda gripped her hamper a little more tightly and turned to go.

“Oh, Hilda!” 

Evadne sighed. 

“Come on, dear. There’s no need to go off in a huff. You’re here now. And after we’ve finished our search we’ll find one of the other sort of paddock and have your picnic. What do you say?”

Hilda hesitated. “Well… all right.” 

Evadne beamed at her. “Good.” 

 

 

As the search went on, they reached even soggier territory.

Mr. Butler glanced at the way Hilda’s feet were sinking into the mud with each new step. 

“Are you… sure you won’t borrow my wellingtons?” 

Hilda smiled politely at him. “Thank you. But I think I would prefer to keep my own footwear on.”

“Mr. Butler!” Evadne called over from the area she was searching. “I think this looks quite hopeful!”

“Coming, Doctor!”

Mr. Butler hesitated a moment. He regarded Hilda worriedly as she struggled to move forwards.

He opened his bag, pulled out the wellington boots and placed them on a relatively dry piece of ground. Unfortunately it wasn’t a terribly level piece of ground though and the boots toppled over. 

Mr. Butler frowned at them and then turned to Hilda.

“I’ll just leave the wellingtons here in case you change your mind, Dame Hilda.”

And he hurried over to join Evadne.

Hilda took a few more steps. 

“As if I’d wear those wretched things,” she muttered to herself. “I do have my dignity after all…”

She heaved her left foot out of the mud. 

The shoe didn’t come with it.

Hilda sighed and turned to look at the wellingtons.

 

 

Meanwhile Evadne and Mr. Butler were searching amongst clumps of grass.

“No, nothing,” said Mr. Butler.

“I can’t see any either.” 

Evadne sighed. 

“Perhaps we should just give up the search and go and have Hilda’s picnic.”

Mr. Butler nodded. “That might be for the best. And after all, a negative result is still a result for the survey.”

“Not quite what we hoping for though,” said Evadne. Her shoulders slumped. “I wish we could have found at least one.”

There was abruptly a bloodcurdling scream.

Evadne’s eyebrows shot up. 

“Hilda!”

She dashed over, Mr. Butler not far behind. 

“Are you all right, dear? What on earth’s the matter?”

Hilda was standing on one leg, swaying slightly. She was wearing one of the wellingtons and holding the other at arm’s length. 

She stared at Evadne. 

“I was just putting it on when I felt—”

She thrust the boot at Evadne, who took it in some surprise.

The boot twitched.

“My goodness…” Evadne’s face went pale. 

She bent over a little and upended the boot’s contents onto the ground. And suddenly the shock on her face turned into a grin. 

“How wonderful…”

She beamed at Mr. Butler, and then turned back to Hilda.

“Well done, dear!” 

Evadne gestured at the somewhat bewildered little amphibian on the ground. 

“It seems you’ve found us our paddock!”


End file.
